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Love you, that's the first step.....!

published on Saturday, 27 September 2014




I stumbled on this site one day; http://phoenixrisingcollective.org/ and was immediately inspired to do this piece. The initiative sees all women who have grown into their own and accepted themselves for who they really are as, phoenixes. That single feat is one of the most difficult things a woman can achieve in her lifetime. To be able to be your own woman and not be defined by your challenges is in itself challenging.


A lot of people on a daily basis go through all sorts of things. Even we youngsters don't have it easy. I try to always remind myself that I am having it better than so many people out there. Even on my worst day, there's someone out there wishing it was their best day. When I am down physically I remind myself of those at Igbogbi that would rather have my malaria than be bedridden for months.

I watched toke makinwa's vlog for this week, the other day, and in it a lady was complaining about being sexually harassed by a neighbor as a child. Fast forward many years later, she stumbles on this same guy in her church and he is a top leader in the church. He is also married with three daughters. Her life had not moved forward because she kept dwelling on what was done to her. She kept contemplating on telling the guy's wife, what he did to her as a child. And Toke's advice to her was to let it go. I'm sure in some people's minds they would have murdered her for saying that, but what else is there for this young lady to do? Don't forget that when you commit sins on a daily basis, you ask God for forgiveness and he does forgive. Who are you then to keep a grudge for many years?

I get that the man must have hurt her. Maybe his actions have caused her self-esteem to be tarnished.  But people are quick to forget that the Lord will not put you in a situation you cannot handle. To then sit down and wallow in self-pity claiming victimization, to me, is very wrong. Queen Esther in The Bible didn't sit at home and say because she was an orphan, her life was destroyed and she had no future. She moved on from her weakness and became great.

I remember watching Oprah's masterclass (I watch a lot of inspiring stories! pardon me!) and Oprah Winfrey spoke about losing a child at 14. She was pregnant and her parents were not going to have it. Imagine her father saying he'd rather see his child floating in a river than to be pregnant and bring shame to his family. She did all sorts to herself. She drank detergent, all sorts. In her words;
 "I did stupid things like drinking detergent and all that kind of crazy stuff that you do when you’re trying to get attention when you’re really just trying to cry for help. But this is my 14-year-old self. I don't even know what I thought the plan was going to be. ... You're having a baby out of wedlock, your life is over. So when the baby died – the baby was never brought home from the hospital – when the baby died, I knew that it was my second chance. So I went back to school, and nobody knew. Because had anybody known at that time, I wouldn’t have been able to be head of student council. I wouldn’t have been able to be speaking champion in forensics. … I wouldn’t have been chosen as one of the two teenagers in the state of Tennessee to go to the White House conference on youth. None of those things would have happened, and the entire trajectory of my life would have been different."

Life is not easy I must tell you. Oprah didn't see herself as a victim after that. She didn't stay home and wallow in self-pity. She picked herself up and went on to become one of the most successful women in the world. She accepted what had happened to her and moved on from it. Now no one can use it against her or make her feel bad because of it. She has made peace with what happened to her.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say you should be heartless. Everyone knows a woman is a very emotional being. But to play victim because of a certain situation is wrong. Learn from the situation and move on. You only live once o! And to spend that one lifetime dwelling on a particular issue? Wouldn't that be ungrateful to God? Telling Him He wasted His time creating you?

I have learnt to always be grateful no matter the situation you find yourself. My mother could be sick but will still find one reason to say thank you to God. I have also learnt to do that. When my car breaks down, when I feel under the weather or things are just not going right, I look for the few things that are and I thank Him for that. Job in the Bible lost everything but he never for once was ungrateful. Why should you then turn yourself to public victim number one because of a tiny issue before The Lord.

No matter what it is you're going through, what your demons are, the earlier you accept yourself and come to terms with your life, the better for you. You'll find out that you'll be much more happier and not needing some of the pacifiers you thought you couldn't live without. Like unhealthy relationships for example. I see some women and young ladies in unhealthy relationships. If you can not appreciate, accept and love yourself, don't expect your partner to. Love yourself first before you love any other. Don't go out looking for love and attention when you already hate who you are. It will never work.

That's why my conviction for us today is to remain resilient and courageous like the beautiful bird; the phoenix. Do not be defined by your challenges. Learn from them and rise from them a new being. Accept who you are, do not wait to first be accepted by others. It is your life, after all!